I Never Truly Knew, Part 1

I never truly knew or even stopped to consider what it means to be without you Lord, in eternity and in anguish, until I lost something precious here on earth.  Loss comes in different ways and is different in reaction by us all. 

Loss can be gradual, where the heart is torn bit by bit from it source, as it also grows to become a thing, though dreadful, expected and to which we can learn to bear up against.  Gradual death comes nonetheless and creates a loss that cannot be returned. 

Loss also comes, it seems most tragically, on sudden terms.  Although we know death is coming to us all, we do not allow ourselves to consider that is may come now, or in the next breath.  In any event or any anticipation, death meets us when he pleases, not as we might wish. 

Sudden death, for causes known or unknown, creates a void more potent than that created by years of agonizing wonder.  Never can words be heard by one gone from this life, nor can we ever hope to convey our true heart or intentions to one whose light has gone out and whose cares are terminated.  Cares are left for those who remain.  Sudden death leaves many cares and hangs in the air like cigar smoke on a windless porch.  It doesn’t move from its view except enough to remind us that it is still there. 

Loss breaks the heart of those left behind.  Hearts that must find where peace lies in the past and where hope waits on the next step.  Loss is not confined to death.  In fact, loss without death can be more painful and agonizing than a separation of life.  For loss with life means that the source of the loss, and the reasons therefore it, remain as present reminders of mistakes made and choices that changed your world in a moment.  Though we strive with all our will to overcome the effects of this loss, they see us in the mirror of our lives each day as we try to do our best to be better and ease the pain the loss has caused and which will not cease easily or without the passing of much time and feeling of much regret.